The Perils of PPV
Pornography PPV! O.o
I was watching a very tense movie, based on a true story about a woman who had been raped. It was called “The Many Trials of One Jane Doe”. I identified on many levels with the woman in the movie, having been a rape victim myself in my early 20’s. It was very emotional to watch and I was highly involved in the court proceedings when I heard my phone ring.
I could not find the one I usually use (frustrating that I keep losing things) so the system just about went into record a message by the time I located the second phone to answer the call, and because my mind was in a completely different space, I did not even recognize my neighbour’s voice. She was talking away agitatedly about some computer thing I had helped with recently and I was just very aware that I was missing a crucial part of the movie. So I told her that and said I would try to find a way to record it while listening to her problem. (I was struggling with an all too familiar feeling of fixation and having no space in my mind and it distressed me.)
My recording choice took me back to the beginning of the movie, but it was not recording because apparently I had no room left for recordings. So I then tried to delete some things, a process with which I’m still not familiar and which I find quite tedious, not really knowing how. It makes me feel quite helpless (and unwelcomingly fixated on the problem).
My neighbour needed my help ASAP so I gave up on trying to create space for recording, and battling with my brain, thinking I could maybe find the movie on again later. Went to help my neighbour.
Came back. The movie had ended. Could not find the movie listed again. I hate trying to use the search feature, which requires typing out one letter at a time with the pad while moving up and down and hither and yonder on the keypad, but I really wanted to find it so I persevered while feeling increasingly more stupid. No luck. It was a one shot deal, I guess, unlike most of the others you can find on again. Too bad…..
Tried the internet. Found you could download that movie but both sites wanted my credit card and I wasn’t intending to purchase, so I gave up there also. Went back into TV to delete recordings and, with some fighting through the unwelcome mental blocks, finally found a better way to do so!
After doing this, I ended up messing up my remote somehow and now here I was in the usual (frequent) tussle of not being able to even operate the tv! It would not let me watch anything at all. No channels, no guide. I hate when this happens! I usually end up needing help getting the tv to work again.
I kept trying, no doubt pressing some wrong buttons in my nervousness and frustration, and somehow or other ended up being asked on screen if I wanted to watch something called photo shoot. I tried to get out of it because it looked as if it was something you ordered and I did not want to order anything. I never do. However, it began suddenly to run on its own ( a preview?) and to my shock and surprise it was pornography, several women and a photographer doing some unimaginable things!
My mouth is hanging open at such things as I have never seen before and I am yelling NO out loud (as if yelling at it was going to help!) and trying to operate the remote to get rid of this stuff but nothing is working! So I shut it right off.
Turn it back on hoping it has magically cleared and there they go again, this time making loud noises as they go about having sex with themselves in my living room and I try to hide the view with my hand and my remote while trying to see how I can possibly get rid of this nonsense! Shut it off again and think, who on earth could I call for help with getting this stuff OFF my tv? Not my neighbours! But I call a friend and tell her what’s going on. She seems amused and says to call Shaw….
So I call Shaw……
And a very kind lady who could not help laughing at my story eventually got me out of there and back to NORMAL tv…..I was so relieved and could not thank her enough, while she seemed to be struggling to hold back her laughter and not doing very well. I guess she thought it was pretty funny. It does seem a bit funny on reflection, but not really!
I hope that NEVER happens again! How embarrassing!
Phew!!!!!
All this combined with computer frustrations for 2 days (trying to move things from old laptop to a new one and failing miserably with the supposedly easy wireless migration process) has me feeling very inadequate….and rather mentally blocked.
What interests me most about it all is the mental blocks. I notice I get fixated on certain things and have difficulty to move past them. Trying to recognize when and why that happens. I don’t know if it’s just the OCD thing or something else….
I do hate it when it’s happening 😦
This is the obstacle course I must navigate, my mind……
Thankful that I can give it all to God and leave it in his hands!
Ann Justin, April 26, 2014
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