Ann's Corner

A taste of FAITH, a touch of LAUGHTER.

The Depth of Grief


It has been a very hard day today, experiencing the anniversary of my husband’s passing while in Kyuquot. He was born here. Our home together was here. We had family together here. He passed away here, in our house, sitting in his favourite chair.
I am in Kyuquot because our old house on reserve is slated to be demolished. I left Kyuquot in 2011, because of my health, five years after my husband passed away. Everything was left as is. Furniture, possessions, everything to do with our life in that house together as family. A houseful of memories. 
Other people have been housed there since, but now it has to come down and I’m here to sort through things, to empty the house completely.

I’ve been going over to the reserve from an island where I am staying to the house every day to work on this project. It has been ok mostly, but today I just could not bring myself to go there. I woke up in tears, thinking of my Jim, and could not get myself out of bed. I was so very heavy with grief. 
When I did manage to get up, I had a hard time just going about business here. Friends have supported me online through this struggle of a day with all of their love and prayers. I’m very thankful for them. 
I’m shocked at how hard this day has been. This was unexpected. It had been getting easier as the years passed by. It has been 11 years now, today. 
I think the reason it is so much harder this year is just because i am back here, where it all happened and I have been spending time daily with memories.
This day is coming to a close. This part of my life in the community of Kyuquot is coming to an end. There will be closure in many ways after this day and in the days to come.
There is, however, a new day tomorrow. I will start fresh…..
Love you, Jim ❤

AJ ❤

12 comments on “The Depth of Grief

  1. It was hard to hit “like” on this post, I am SO sorry to read how difficult this day has been for you.

    I’m sure you are correct about why today, after all these years, but that is how grief works. It’s like peeling an onion. We only peel the layer(s) we can handle – our minds won’t let us go deeper until we are not as raw. Ever after, every new loss will invite you to peel layers of this onion until you have processed it to the point where you can recall without pain (even “silly” losses, but certainly something as dramatic as closing up the house forever). It is much less difficult if you know to expect it.

    My heart goes out to you today. I pray for a peaceful night for you – and beautiful dreams.
    xx,
    mgh
    (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMORE dot com)
    ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder
    “It takes a village to transform a world!”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. dettinger47
    April 1, 2017

    Thank you for sharing this, Ann. I’m praying for God’s peace to completely inhabit you. May He bless you richly.

    Liked by 1 person

    • annj49
      April 1, 2017

      Thank you so much. I appreciate the prayers very much…..

      Like

  3. Bernadette
    April 1, 2017

    I hope this day brings smiles when you think of your husband.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Gloria Mott
    April 1, 2017

    The depth of your grief and feelings is a testament to the love you shared. You are strong! You will get through this! May all these memories that surface also cause you to smile as well! God Bless you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • annj49
      April 1, 2017

      Thanks, Gloria. I am back on my emotional “feet” to some degree today. I will be going to the house this afternoon to tackle some more things….

      Like

  5. Turtle Toots
    April 1, 2017

    I pray you are doing better this afternoon. The Lord knows what you’re going through.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Belinda O
    April 2, 2017

    When my step-dad died, a friend who had lost his mom nine years earlier, told to be prepared for unexpected waves of grief that seemingly come from nowhere. While I’ve never lost a spouse and won’t pretend to understand the power of that pain, I have grieved the loss of several people important to me and am strangely comforted by my friend’s advice so many years before. I hope you can gain some comfort from the words of others.

    Liked by 1 person

    • annj49
      April 2, 2017

      Yes, thank you. It does hit you sideways at times. This one was a real shock to my system and unexpected after so long…..
      Doing much better now…

      Liked by 1 person

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This entry was posted on March 31, 2017 by in Blog.

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