Questions and Answers

Questions and Answers

“What is it that makes you happy?”

He asked.

And I could not tell him…..

Because I was too sad inside.

 

“What is it that makes you smile?”

He asked.

And I began to cry….

Silently, somewhere deep inside.

 

“There must be something that gives you joy?”

He said.

And I left the room

And sat outside on the steps….

The tears rolling ceaselessly down my face.

 

Whatever makes me happy

I thought

Has gone…..

Because I’m very sad inside.

 

Whatever makes me smile

I thought

Has left me lonely….

Somewhere deep inside.

 

The thing that gives me joy

I thought

Has left me empty and sad….

With tears rolling ceaselessly down my face.

Written by Ann McQueen (now Ann Justin), June 21, 1980.

I’ve written this poem to try and understand my unhappiness and my reaction to someone caring enough to ask (perhaps-I don’t know the motive behind the questions). I guess I am in depression again (they called it situational anxiety the last time). I know I need to be loved, but it seems as if that need isn’t fulfilled. My body is desired, for sure, but my soul isn’t given the nourishment it needs and my heart the communication it seeks.

Years later (Oct 2006)…. after I met Jesus……

I can now write another version…..

“What is it that makes you happy?”

He asked.

And I could tell him…..

Because Jesus is there inside.

 

“What is it that makes you smile?”

He asked.

And I began to grin….

Happily, from somewhere deep inside.

 

“There is something that gives you joy?”

He said.

And I stayed in the room

And told him about my Lord….

The happiness shining out of my face.

 

My Father in heaven makes me happy

I thought

He’s there…..

And I’m glad inside.

 

God makes me smile

I thought

He loves me….

And He’s right here by my side.

 

The One that gives me joy

I thought

Has made me full and glad….

With smiles rolling gratefully over my face.

I have found my fullness in Christ, and satisfaction for the deep needs of my soul, since the fall of 1980 He has been my stay. He is my all in all! And may He be glorified!

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