Communion, Grief and Hope

  
We all took communion together at my church today, for the second Sunday in a row. Usually it’s an individual thing, or a small group, or a family taking it together, in your own time. This was a very nice change….
Something about it brought tears. There was this beautiful feeling of inclusion in my church “family”, awakening and addressing my deep loneliness, my need for family right now, and it just touched my heart unexpectedly. Thus the tears. I am an emotional being. I cannot help that, it seems.
I was fighting back tears as I thanked our pastor for doing communion that way and as I tried to express how I felt, but I had to leave before breaking down into a tearful mess in front of him. Then the tears were flowing unbidden as I left the building and even as I am at home writing this, I can’t seem to stop, and I’m wondering to myself where this deep grief is coming from……
Yes, I believe it is grief. I am tired of this life of loneliness. I miss my husband and I miss my family. However, I remember this: 
“You keep track of all my sorrows.

    You have collected all my tears in your bottle.

    You have recorded each one in your book.”
Psalm 56:8New Living Translation (NLT)

That scripture is a comfort. God knows and cares. He is very present, even in these times, perhaps especially in these times.
I have written it all out and now it is done. I can never get over how this journal process is therapy for me. My tears are gone. Life goes on. I choose to live in hope for the future.
“For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.”

‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11‬ ‭AMP‬‬
Thank you, God, for my church family, for Your unfailing love for me as Your child, for Your mercy, Your forgiveness, Your faithfulness. 
Thank You….. ❤
September 6, 2015
AJ