A taste of FAITH, a touch of LAUGHTER.
Lost moorings, December 12, 2014
Things happen in life. There are things we have some measure of control over, as in they are consequences of lifestyle and relationships, and other things that just apparently sideswipe us, knock us down and leave us in disarray. (Like loss and grief. Like depression. Like cancer.)
I’m not sure which of those has led to this feeling of lost moorings today (probably the former) but I feel led to write a little. So, here goes.
Lately, I’ve been letting things slide. I was so proud of my achievements in my new little abode, keeping on top of things like housework and scheduled activities. I had somewhere to go, people to see, things to do, a reason for caring. I was busy.
However, having to cut back activities and relationships over the last year due to finances and other unforeseen circumstances has had its impact and I am officially in a slump. This is just a reflection on what is going on, as it comes to my mind.
My son and my granddaughter are coming sometime next week. I have not seen them since Christmas last year. I’m excited about it! I’m looking forward to having someone else in my space. I will enjoy the company and be blessed by the presence of my family, especially by my little granddaughter, who just turned 9 this month.
My home is a tiny bachelor suite in a Senior’s building. Not too hard to take care of, you’d think. But what if one happens to be a “collector”, who likes “things”? What if one has had no self discipline for a while as far as housework is concerned? What if one is really a perfectionist underneath the outward messiness? What if one feels like a failure before they even start? What if one is OCD but the tasks are too overwhelming?
My friend says I am a “good Mom” who has loved my family well. Why then do I feel as if I am about to put on a play and I must get my act together? Somehow I must pull together all these straying, frayed, loose and rather dusty ends and become the proverbial Mom/Grandma to my family.
I can trace this back to so many things, but really, it’s just one. PRIORITIES. I have to get hold of that somehow and pin it down so that it doesn’t escape me again. Maybe if I write the word in large letters on a big piece of paper, and nail it to the wall in a prominent place, I won’t so easily forget it again.
My first priority has to be God and then I know everything else will pretty much line up naturally and fall into place. So what am I doing here writing, when I should be praying? This is my therapy, my way of working out what’s wrong and what I need to do about it.
I think I’ll go pray now…..
I don’t know about you, but I know when I am REALLY praying, because I get this big lump in my throat that is an actual ache that almost restricts my speech (yes, I pray aloud). It’s an emotional honesty, one of needing His love, His mercy, His healing and His forgiveness, that I know God is hearing and receiving and saying “At last, my child. It’s about time you came home for a visit. It’s been too long, you know.”
Then there is this calm. Clarity. A realization that I don’t do this enough. And a new determination to go on.
Made my list, checking it off……
Thank You, Lord! /